Sunday, July 10, 2005

The War of Southern Aggression (part 3)

Soon all five were out of their beds and foraging for food. Two of them were short with hairy faces. Another one, must have been 7 feet tall, had a peg leg. Then there was the "Guru's" lieutenant. He was obviously the brains of the outfit. His code name was "Cuz." It was he who organized the soon-to-begin assault on the Bass family. He was rawhide tough -- used to wrestle apes from time to time.

"Git them wampum separated and on a cookie sheet!" To my surprize, the "Guru" began to make breakfast. And what a breakfast it was! What I witnessed had to be seen to be believed. In a matter of minutes, they consumed two dozen eggs and an entire pig! Wampums the size of a cat's head disappeared in single bites; breakfast was over in minutes.

Before you could whistle, "Way down south in Dixie," they began to organize into assault teams. "Pass" and his lieutenant were in one attack vehicle, the two short hairy-faced guys in another. I was assigned to the "Giant" as an embedded reporter!

Dispersing with lightning speed, they were soon in the Bass' neighborhood. They were all smiles, but believe me, they had mayhem on the mind! I heard them bragging, "I got one!" And then, "I got one, too!" Young and old alike were being dragged from their homes, thrashing all the way, into the marauding assault vehicles. The two hairy-faced ones disappeared from sight, but I could still hear their evil hootin' and hollerin' from a mile away, "We got doubles!"

The "Giant" missed a couple of Bass and I feared his wrath would be taken out on me. I don't want to sound boastful, but I am mighty quick on my feet. I know how to survive. To gain his sympathy, I told him I was the shepherd of a large flock of sheep and they looked to me for care. It worked. He softened and said, "Yeah, my dad raised sheep for most of his life. He's just a good ole' country boy."

Next: Even the law trembles in the presence of the one called "Pass."

1 comment:

  1. Had I not seen this behavoir myself on previous occasions I would hardly believe it. Maine may never be the same...but it's all the better for having survived another assault! Now if I can just manage to find a fish when I go up in a few weeks...yeah, right!

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